Including a unity ritual in your wedding ceremony can be meaningful, impressive and interesting for you and your guests. They can be somewhat theatrical and can give the guests a little break from listening to your celebrant as well as being a way for you, the couple – and anyone else you wish to include – to visibly and actively participate in the ceremony.
As with everything in a celebrant led ceremony there are no rules as to the point in the ceremony where the unity ritual must take place – it’s up to you. They are usually added in however after the engaging of vows and rings. A ritual can enforce the vows you have just made as well as adding that bit of extra excitement. Although I will discuss a few different unity rituals in this post, the list is by no means exhaustive. Have a little Google – there is no end to what you can include in your celebrant led ceremony. You’re bound to find a ritual that feels right to you – and if you don’t then make one up that feels perfect.
What makes an effective unity ritual?
Simplicity and Speed: It should be simple to perform and done quickly, often with little or no rehearsal. Avoid worrying about mistakes or something going wrong on the big day.
Minimal Movement and Simple Actions: An ideal ritual includes minimal movement and simple physical actions, like pouring liquid or lighting a candle. For more complex actions, like tying a knot, practice beforehand to increase confidence and bond with your partner.
Definite Start and End Points: The ritual should have clear start and end points, such as untying and tying a knot or mixing two separate liquids. Props should symbolize the transition from being unmarried to married and be difficult to reverse, like vows or mixing colored sands.
Suitability to Style and Venue: The unity ritual should reflect your lives and personalities, with the celebrant suggesting ideas to get it right. Consider the venue's limitations: outdoor ceremonies may make candle lighting difficult, while indoor venues might not allow naked flames. A table may be challenging on a beach, and pouring wine near a white dress requires caution.
Fun and Enjoyment: Above all, enjoy your ceremony. Include a unity ritual that brings smiles and only choose actions you are both comfortable with.
Bread Breaking Rituals
The tradition of breaking bread at a wedding is Eastern European. Each partner takes a bite of bread from a loaf and whoever manages the bigger one becomes the leader of the household! Sometimes the bread might be dipped in honey and offered to the other partner – symbolising sweetness and nourishment. If you like the competition element and have children, then include them too – just be sure to take a bigger bite so your kids don’t become the household leaders. A bread breaking ritual can easily be adapted not to have any competition though – bread being broken and offered to one another can symbolise many aspects of a marriage – the ingredients each partner brings to the union, the
qualities of the two families etc. You can even include your wider family by asking the mother or another relative of the bride and groom to bake a special loaf to use in the ritual. This can work well if you come from different cultures and the different loaves reflect that.
Candle Lighting Rituals
The Unity Candle seems to have a bit of a reputation as a ‘classic’ unity ritual. But truthfully it is still relatively new. It doesn’t get used so much these days anyway, as I said earlier, I find that many venues don’t allow naked flames and it’s impractical outdoors. Plus, who wants to risk their lovely wedding dress catching fire!
Nevertheless, it’s lovely ritual and if your venue / location allows, and it’s what you want – then of course we can use it. In my experience, it most often involves three candles, two smaller ones each representing the bride and groom and a larger one between them. To start the ritual members of the bride and groom’s family, or friends, step forward to light the smaller candle, which can represent the light of their love and the welcoming beacon they hold for one another. Together the bride and groom will take their respective candles and simultaneously light the larger, middle candle – the merging of these two flames into one representing two people coming together to create a brighter and stronger partnership.
It is nice to perhaps this larger candle inscribed with your names and wedding date – and you can save the candle for many years to come, maybe continuing to light it to mark your anniversary each year.
Cocktail Mixing Rituals
The mixing of cocktails can add a fun and stylish element to your ceremony – and there are endless recipes to choose from...or perhaps you might like to create your own especially for the day! Although cocktail mixing can give us great theatre, it can be a complicated process so don’t forget to practice beforehand! You might like to ask all guests to sample your cocktail – but that might be best saved for the reception later. Each ingredient can represent an ingredient for a happy marriage marriage – love, respect, companionship, support and so on – whatever your priorities are for your lives together. Once prepared, the couple should take a sip of the finished product to toast married life.
Handfasting Rituals
Handfastings are one of the oldest known marriage unity rituals and have Celtic and Pagan origins and were carried out long before metals could be forged into wedding rings, as a way for couples to show their commitment to one another. It was also tradition that couples would stay bound together until after their wedding night, but you probably won’t want to use that part of it.
The couple will join hands and the handfasting cord is draped or tied around them both, as the Celebrant recites a few words or as you exchange vows. Friends or family can be involved too, draping the cords during the ritual. This is a versatile ritual and I will always encourage you to be as creative as you can, in keeping with the intention to make it a unique and personal part of your day, reflecting your own style. A good handfasting cord is usually around 6 feet in length, which means it can be looped over more than once and you still have enough left to tie a loose knot if this is what you decide. They can be made from light rope, cloth, wool or embroidered material perhaps. You want it to be light enough to be easy to work with, but be weighty enough so it’s no flying around everywhere! If you are using a very lightweight material, consider adding beads to either end to ensure it hangs neatly once tied.
Sand Rituals
Sand rituals are becoming increasingly popular recently – especially at a ceremony on the beach. I think that the reason they are so appealing is because they are simple to perform, and there are also very easy to adapt and personalise. You can extend this ritual to include members of your family, especially children. You can choose your own type or colour of sand to give extra meaning too. Most commonly there are three vessels, the bride and groom are provided with a small, usually transparent, container of sand and either taking it in turns or together they will pour their sand into a third, larger container – it’s most visibly appealing if each of you use a different colour of sand and they can be poured in several layers on top of one another. By adding more smaller containers, you can include other people, perhaps you each have children from previous relationships and by blending all your sand together you are showing the blending of your families – like your marriage, the different grains of sands are virtually impossible to separate once they are combined!
Wine Rituals
Wine is often used for toasting a joyous event and what is more joyous an event than a wedding?! The celebrant will pour you each a glass of wine and invite you to take three sips – one to the past, one to the present and one to the future. It doesn’t have to be wine –
perhaps you have another favourite drink, or something that you drank on your engagement – take the chance to make this is personal and meaningful as possible. I haven’t even scratched the surface here on all the types of unity rituals that exist, and more blogs will follow about more obscure rituals. The message remains clear though – this is your day, and a Celebrant wants to make sure it’s done your way, so don’t be afraid to suggest ideas and make requests – we will always ensure that you get exactly what you want.
Rebecca x
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